It's 3 am. I was looking forward to getting a good night's sleep from 12 am to about 11 am, but my body doesn't seem to be willing to cooperate.

I guess I could ramble a little bit since I've been badly neglecting this LJ. Been outlining a zombie novel of late, and it's been a lot of fun. Turning a bunch of zombie apocalypse tropes on their heads (like derp derp let's split up gang!) and making most of the cast rather genre savvy. These days, who *hasn't* seen at least one zombie flick, be it a Romero Of the Dead survival horror masterpiece, 28 Days/Weeks Later, one of the Of the Dead remakes, or even I Am Legend, where it's strongly suggested the mutated citizens behave much like the 'rabies zombies' of 28D/WL? Obviously, most people at least partially in touch with pop culture today will have seen at least one zombie movie or played at least one zombie-themed video game, and would have some sort of knowledge as to how to deal with them. Even an affectionate parody like Shaun of the Dead shows the best way to off an undead attacker is something sharp, or a fired projectile, between the eyes.

So it's not a far stretch to think the heroes all know a zombie outbreak when they see one, ditto for the local law enforcement and even the National Guard once things reach, to use terms found in Max Brook's tongue-in-cheek Zombie Survival Guide, a Class 3 outbreak.

I think my biggest departure from the typical zombie survival horror comes in the form of an amnesiac, but sentient, zombie who names herself Navy. She was originally inspired by some fanart of the Witch from Left 4 Dead, which humanized her. The idea is that the first of the infected are the result of a military experiment, but they couldn't find the right formula to allow those infected to retain their minds. Navy remains a unique case much like the explanation for Captain America's shield's construction--an accident. The scientist in charge added the wrong chemicals and resulted in Navy effectively being rendered immortal, and all but invisible to infected individuals, but due to the chaotic environment that sprung up once the infected broke loose and the outbreak started, well, not exactly an ideal environment for repeating tests and thus they haven't been able to figure out how Navy was able to keep her mind.

Now that I've divulged her SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE status as the only zombie in the story who is able to think for herself, I ought to remark that she's an emotional wreck who latches, hard, onto the main characters and is very much a noncombatant. The best explanations I've come up with are being deeply religious in life and 'thou shalt not kill' carrying over past her reanimation, or offering her services as a guide and scout to help the small group of survivors (of which only two are a constant so far, the others being cycled out fairly regularly to mental breakdowns, being devoured, and being infected) and as such those survivors keeping her out of combat for fear that if she starts attacking the infected she'll become 'visible' to them and no different from the survivors in the "kill her" department.

That's all for now. Might post more on it later if I can't get to sleep.

The Whacky World of Cataclysm
What goes here? The adventures of Peppita, the gnome priestess, and Rizzlegek the goblin of many professions (warrior, mage, and hunter), of course! (all on Lost Isles - US)
Needless to say, even if I'm just glossing over quests, spoilers abound! Because of issues creating goblins at the moment, we will spend some time until the next beta build focusing exclusively on Peppy's misadventures looking for a decent bed and breakfast!

Peppita woke up feeling like shit. She was irradiated to hell and back, lost her favorite robes, and couldn't find her lucky armband. But hey, at least she was in Gnomeregan! .... Sorta.

When she woke up, before she could even get a glass of water and a fresh, steaming biscuit for breakfast, some jerk told her to go kill some of the leper gnomes that had the S.A.F.E agents and others like herself trapped. Like any good fledgling priestess of the Light, Peppy set out to aid her friends and vanquish her enemies... by spamming a very basic spell at them. Maybe it was her faith, or some unseen force cranking the dial on the spell's coefficients through the roof, but it felt like with each cast she sent leper gnomes flying.

If the Light was this powerful, why the hell wasn't she training as a paladin for double the trouble?

After that, she reported back, got her biscuit--with much cheering--and then was given something the size of a small turtle and told to go find survivors and teleport them to the clean room to prepare for a return to the surface. While running around in clothes that looked like they were debating on whether to fall apart or not, Peppy decided she really hated radiation. It burned like a BITCH.

Oh, well, onward! Peppy found the room she'd sent the other survivors to, and was instructed to go get de-radiated. Several painful shocks and an awkward, breezy feeling later, and our heroine found herself in a fresh set of robes and with her favorite armband in place, ready to take on the world! Or, at least, find some decent breakfast.

The real work could wait for tomorrow.

Jenniffer's Body
When you've got a movie with Amanda Seyfreid and Megan Cocks--uh, Fox--in the same movie, and you have to ugly Seyfreid up to pass Fox off as a super-hottie? Something is very, very wrong. Never mind that Fox is about as attractive as a brick of shit, or that Seyfreid's hot enough that only an idiot like the one who directed Jennifer's Body would try to pass her off as the homely friend, Seyfreid's got more acting chops than Cocks ever will.

In fact, I'm almost 100% sure Cocks sleeps around to get her work, 'cause God knows she can't act for shit and there's no other logical reason Hollywood's trying to pimp her out as the next bland, mass-produced "hottie" after Angelina Jolie.

Fuck metagamers. That is all.

There once was an old woman...
Who lived in a shoe. She was really tiny, so I fed her to the neighbors' cat and got a new shoe.

An Open Letter to Blizzard from Shades of Grey

Spread the word.

Fun Facts: The Scarlet Crusade
Lately, it seems that more and more people on both factions are making Scarlet Crusade guilds and trying to pass them off as being a good-aligned 'awakening' or redemption or some nonsense like that.

Sorry guys, that's already in the lore. It's called the Argent Dawn/Argent Crusade. That's right. You're just roleplaying members of the Argent Crusade who wanna be special so they stuck with the red theme and gave themselves self-aggrandizing titles in an effort to make every little cuberbunny in Goldshire go "OMG UR A GENERAL THAT'S KEWL." That, or you're an especially self-important loser in a game thriving off of self-important losers like you and me.

Nonhumans hate Scarlets. There is no ifs, ands, or buts about this. Hell, the Alliance doesn't even pretend to be allied with them. The only reason the Alliance hasn't gone up there and put them out of their misery is because they are effective and if things go bad the Alliance can say "We don't know those guys."

For every Scarlet RPer on the Horde: seriously man, what the hell? There isn't a single race in the Horde a Scarlet Crusader wouldn't take one look at and shove a sword in their chest to cleanse them. To a Scarlet, the only good nonhuman is a dead nonhuman with the sense to stop moving.

For the Scarlet RPers making nice with that cute night elf girl in Stormwind: Stop being bad at RPing. If you have to RP a Scarlet, RP a fucking Scarlet. You are a sociopathic, racist religious extremist. You are the embodiment of a knight templar personality and you hate nonhumans. That night elf girl to a Scarlet registers the same on their sex drive as a goat.

Long story short: Stop sucking at RP, people.

D&D Online: Well... it's not quite Baldur's Gate.
Today's vic--uh, 'lucky winner' is Dungeons and Dragons Online: Stormreach Unlimited. A while back, the game went free-to-play with micropayment options (initially limiting you to 2 character slots and locking the monk and favored soul classes, and the drow and warforged races). Recently, the game expanded its free-to-play services by removing the need to earn or buy leveling sigils every four levels. So I reinstalled it and gave it a whirl.

The first thing that comes to mind is there's a bit of dimorphism between the genders. Not anything remotely like World of Warcraft, mind you, but all males seem to be in their late 30s (complete with wrinkles and crow's feet) while the females seem to be in their mid 20s tops. The second is that they really nailed translating the races' art from the 3rd edition rulebooks (most notably the elves as drawn by Todd Lockwood) into a 3d model.

The weapons and armor, unlike World of Warcraft, actually look like something you could imagine a real-world person wearing into battle in the right time period. Obviously, for the elves and drow (females in particular) the weapons and armor are smaller, but that comes with the territory. Warforged, however, don't wear armor. They get items called Dockets that change their appearance some and often have enchantments, but not a direct armor class bonus (believe me, they don't need it) like armor the other races can wear.

The gameplay is your standard MMORPG fare: WASD moves you, click things and press 1-0 to make things die. What it has that most others don't, though, is an option to choose Casual/Solo mode to run dungeons yourself (though after you get a feel for the game you can easily solo Normal mode with or without a henchman) without having to rely on other people who may or may not have an operating brain. Classes like the fighter, paladin, barbarian, cleric, favored soul, and a well-played ranger can also solo Hard mode at lower levels, but you will definitely want a party for Epic.

Cities are a bit laggy here and there, but the game typically runs very smoothly once it loads everything up. There are, of course, some alterations to the 3e rule set simply because not everything translates well into an MMO setting.

Overall, the game's fun if you're a fan of 3e D&D. If you aren't, some of the stuff might get a bit overly complicated compared to other MMORPGs. Sure, it's nowhere near as popular as WoW but sometimes that's a good thing, because it means less dumbasses to deal with.

Buy/Try/Avoid? Try. The free 'trial' (all 20 levels, two characters, most of the content except some bonus modules, two powerful classes, and two powerful races) has no expiration date and if you really like it you can just grab your credit card and grab the stuff you're missing for relatively cheap.

Still alive!
Well. I was going to review Final Suckasy 7, but then I remembered that game is so terrible it makes my eyes bleed and I'm not a masochist. So I've scrapped that and instead I'm working on a review of Dungeons and Dragons Online.

So that's why I've been so quiet; scrapped a near-finished review in favor of one that wouldn't make me consider suicide as an option to get out of playing the game.

GG, Alliance, GG, Horde. You two got us all killed. Nice job.

I'm not sure what the deal is with the Alliance and Horde lately. Maybe something in my brain's wired funky, I dunno. Maybe I didn't play enough Halo before joining WoW. Fucked if I know or care. Point of the matter is I think that both factions are doing one hell of a good job at doing every omnicidal superbeing this side of Cthulu's work for them.


On the Alliance's side, we have Varian Wrynn's return, wherein every other member of the Alliance becomes a second-class citizen and Jaina Proudmoore, the strong-willed young woman who stood against the third most powerful demon alive at Hyjal Summit, has been reduced to Varian's cheerleader in Northrend. Jaina, the same mage who helped save the world, proved herself a competent political and military leader, who has her own sovereign nation full of people who love her to the point that they will defend her to the hilt even if they don't agree with her assessment of the Horde, and who basically held the Alliance together for nearly a decade before Varian resurfaced and returned to Stormwind, at which point his powers as the resident Conan expy and his magical plot-twisting powers demanded everyone bow down to his will.


Jaina brings me to another problem in the Alliance. Jaina, sweetheart. You're a gorgeous woman in her prime, with your own city-state and an impressive track record: you've managed to aid in the defeat of the third most-powerful demon in existence and held together a coalition across two continents separated by a massive ocean, one race of which is infamous for extreme xenophobia. Varian Wrynn is not your king. Stormwind has no political or historic rights to Theramore. The Alliance does not have a de facto “One Chin to Rule Them All” clause in the papers. Stop calling him your king. That goes for the rest of you guys—he doesn't respect the other leaders enough to address you all by title, no need to show him any.


On the Horde side of things, we've got Thrall being derailed for the sake of shoving Garrosh Heckwhimper down everyone's throats. Garrosh, who got his role purely through nepotism. Thrall knew Grom. Grom was one of Thrall's best friends. This blinds Thrall in regards to Garrosh being an ineffective, incomptetent manchild with an IQ normally reserved for a grapefruit. All through Northrend, Garrosh has done nothing but serve to fuck things up in the Horde and do his damnedest to goad King Chin. Yep, that's right: those two hotheads are too damn stupid to stop goading one another and worry about that guy who they're reinforcing every time they clash. Garrosh, in Cataclysm, is going to ascent to Warchief. Recently, on MMO-Champ's forums, a leak has sprung showing Vol'jin's rather apt assessment of Garrosh's abilities, calling him out on the reason Thrall put him in and going so far as to tell Garrosh to, in effect, suck his dick and keep his eyes on the shadows after Garrosh directly threatens him multiple times.


Garrosh, in short, is doing his absolute best to skullfuck everything Thrall has worked towards and everything the New Horde meant. He is going to be a Warchief much like Blackhand, Gul'dan, and Ner'zhul. He is going to end up joining that list of names that fill any orc with two operating brain cells with hate and cause their bile to rise. He is using the Horde as a vehicle for his own personal power and glory just like those who came before Doomhammer and who came in Doomhammer's absence.


Seriously guys, what the hell is wrong with you? And what boggles the mind is, people DEFEND this sort of plot progression as though it's good for the lore. Can someone fill me in on how doing a good job of ensuring everyone dies to the latest supervillain since the two biggest factions in the area get sidetracked doing that supervillain's job for them is good for the lore?


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